Love, Honour & Obey
UK 1999
Reviewed by Philip Kemp
Synopsis
Our synopses give away the plot in full, including surprise twists.
London, the present. Jonny talks his childhood friend Jude into asking his uncle, North London crime boss Ray Kreed, to take Jonny on as a probationary gang member. Jonny works a scam on stolen credit cards. When a shopkeeper's suspicion of the cards leads to violence, Jonny saves the situation by taking the store's security videotape. Ray makes him a full-time member.
Jonny and Jude visit a pub where the game machine supplied by Ray's gang has been replaced by one owned by Ray's South London rival Sean. They smash the machine and pay Sean a visit. Sean condescendingly apologises. Jude and Jonny overhear Sean's henchmen, Mathew and Trevor, discussing a cocaine stash hidden in the boot of a car. Jonny, who dislikes Mathew, vandalises the car and persuades Jude that they should steal the drugs.
Ray, knowing nothing of the theft, sends two henchmen, Bill and Fat Alan, to placate Sean. Sean has the pair beaten up. The two gangs meet on neutral ground to make peace, but Jonny sparks off a gun battle; he later tries to shoot Mathew. At Ray's wedding, Mathew shoots dead one of Ray's gang. Months later Jonny is invited to a party, where he's confronted by Ray and Sean - and Mathew, who shoots him dead. Ray then kills Mathew.
Review
The competition is hotting up. Already this year has given us Fast Food and Rancid Aluminium. Now comes Love, Honour & Obey, another strong contender for the Worst Britflick of the Year. Michael Winner should look to his laurels.
Love, Honour & Obey comes with an impressive pedigree. It was written, produced and directed by Dominic Anciano and Ray Burdis, who also treat themselves to a couple of self-indulgent supporting roles. The same credits graced last year's Final Cut, in which a group of prominent British actors, including Ray Winstone, Jude Law and Sadie Frost, appeared playing characters with their own names and inflicted grievous damage on their careers. Against all reason they've now returned for more of the same, joined this time by Jonny Lee Miller, Sean Pertwee, Kathy Burke and the increasingly egregious Rhys Ifans.
The formula hasn't changed much from last time: lots of chortling violence, blokeish sex jokes and performances that mistake shouting for comedy. Production values are minimal to the point of invisibility. Interior sets look like a cheap job lot from one of the more cramped television soaps, while exteriors are mostly shot on street corners and parking lots where traffic noise all but drowns out the dialogue. Not that this is any great loss: Jonny's taunt at Mathew (played by the Welsh actor Ifans), "Sorry, Taff - didn't mean to make you feel sheepish," is about as witty as the script gets. The level of humour turns dire in the running subplot involving Anciano and Burdis' own characters as a pair of bouncers, the latter afflicted with impotence. Anciano, encouraging his girlfriend to demonstrate fellatio on a cucumber: "There! Isn't that a peach?" Burdis: "No, it's a fucking cucumber."
But the most cringe-inducing moments in Love, Honour & Obey come when the film gropes clumsily towards effects well beyond its reach, such as irony. A scene of heavy-handed torture played out off-screen against a video of children's games may even have been conceived as a nod to The Godfather (1972). Jonny's remark, "It's just like watching a gangster film... you know the woman's going to fuck it up in the end," was presumably seen as a clever touch of Scream-style postmodernism and not just naked misogyny. Amazingly, this wretched production was financed by the BBC, which must count as the worst use of licence-payers' money since John Birt's severance package.
Credits
- Directors
- Dominic Anciano
- Ray Burdis
- Producers
- Dominic Anciano
- Ray Burdis
- Screenplay
- Dominic Anciano
- Ray Burdis
- Director of Photography
- John Ward
- Editor
- Rachel Meyrick
- Production Designer
- Nick Burnell
- ©L.H. & O. Limited
- Production Companies
- BBC Films presents
- a Fugitive production
- Executive Producers
- David M. Thompson
- Jane Tranter
- Jim Beach
- Line Producer
- Mark Hudson
- Associate Producer
- Sadie Frost
- Development Executive
- Pippa Harris
- For the BBC
- Jane Hawley
- Joanie Blaikie
- Gretta Finer
- Jane Wright
- Production Manager
- Miriana Dimitrijevic
- Location Manager
- Rikkie Dakin
- Assistant Directors
- Charles Rudgard
- Andi Brown
- Chris Myers
- Script Supervisor
- Laura Fairrie
- Casting
- Geraldine Geraghty
- Script Editor
- Liza Marshall
- 2nd Unit Lighting Cameraman
- Franz Pagot
- Special Effects
- Alistair Bell
- Richard Thomas
- Jason Chalmers
- Art Director
- Lee Sandales
- Costume Designer
- Ali Brown
- Make-up Designer
- Tamsin Dorling
- Senior Make-up Artist
- Janine Schneider
- Titles Design
- Capital FX
- Optical Effects
- Peter Govey Digirama
- Backing Vocals on Karaoke Tracks
- Lisa Law
- Karaoke Songs Orchestrator/Producer
- John Beckett
- Music Supervisor
- John Beckett
- Soundtrack
- "Force of Nature" by/performed by Noel Gallagher; "Avenues and Alleyways" by Mitch Murray, Peter Callander; "The Harder They Come" by Jimmy Cliff, performed by Ray Winstone; "Fireball XL5" by Barry Gray, performed by Sean Pertwee; "Burning Love" b Dennis Linde, performed by Kathy Burke, Ray Burdis; "When You Are a King" by Roger Hill, John Hill, Sadie Frost; "Bullet" by Kay, performed by Jamiroquai; "Morning Mood" from "Peer Gynt" by Edvard Grieg, performed by Leipzig Gewandhaus Orchestra; "People in White Suits", "Bacchus", "Great Big Shame", "Bosh!" by John Enthoven, performed by Feelybooth; "Sleeping with the Enemy", "Into the Darkness" by/performed by James Graydon; "The Blue Peach", "Oliver's Song" by Thierry Lang, performed by Thierry Lang and His Trio; "Overcrowded" by/performed by Richard Hawes; "Jonny's Death", "Final Cut", "Mark's Marimba", "The Baldy Song"
- Sound Supervisor
- Jonny Bivouac
- Sound Recording
- Jon Bird
- Re-recording Engineers
- Richard King
- Toby Harris
- Dubbing Editor
- Richard Armstrong
- Additional Voices
- Alison Cahill
- Foley
- Artists:
- Julian Wilson
- Kevin Boyle
- Ray Burdis
- Recordist:
- Dave Skilton
- Cast
- Sadie Frost
- Sadie
- Ray Winstone
- Ray
- Jonny Lee Miller
- Jonny Lee
- Jude Law
- Jude
- Sean Pertwee
- Sean
- Kathy Burke
- Kathy
- Denise Van Outen
- Denise
- Rhys Ifans
- Mathew
- Dominic Anciano
- Dominic
- Ray Burdis
- Ray
- John Beckett
- John
- Trevor H. Laird
- Trevor
- William Scully Q.G.M.
- Bill
- Perry Benson
- Perry, 'Fat Alan'
- Mark Burdis
- Mark
- Laila Morse
- Laila
- Sam Smart
- Rory Muir
- Dane Keenan
- Ryan Moore
- Calum Callaghan
- Eddie Cooper
- Ricky Grover
- Hugh Sachs
- Mario Renzullo
- Damien Anciano
- Tom Shirley
- Nancy Jane Maun
- Nula Conwell
- Sky Burdis
- Andy Denyer
- David Gillespie
- Derek Avery
- Enoch Frost
- Alan Fordham
- John Davis
- Phytos Neophytou
- Eamonn Tully
- Culver Greenidge
- Mo Kahn
- Jerry Mulcahy
- Rick English
- Cliff Tarr
- Danny Sullivan
- Louise Strachan
- Megan Strachan
- John Brooks
- Ayiko
- Lisa Moorish
- Lucy Bowen
- Dr David Lomas
- Certificate
- 18
- Distributor
- United International Pictures (UK) Ltd
- 8,791 feet
- 97 minutes 41 seconds
- Dolby SR
- Colour by
- DeLuxe